for parents

Parenting a

Vocation

“The world looks to the priest, because it looks to Jesus! No one can see Christ; but everyone sees the priest, and through him they wish to catch a glimpse of the Lord! Immense is the grandeur of the Lord!
Immense is the grandeur and dignity of the priest!”
—Pope St. John Paul II

Parenting a Vocation to the Priesthood
by Rev. Carl Fisette, Chaplain University of Rhode Island

“Children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward” (Ps 127:3). Parents are filled with such joy and at the birth of their child and rightfully so since children are “a gift from the Lord.” You want the best for them. You care for them and help them to grow and mature as human persons and as Christians. You are their first catechist.

So what are parents who want the best for their son to do?

Here are some tips:

Be Supportive and Sincere:

It takes courage for your son to discern and discuss a vocation which many see as counter-cultural. Be sincere in your support; don’t overreact positively (which may cause your son to feel pressured into the priesthood to make you proud) or negatively (which may cause your son to abandon his vocation). One priest relates that upon telling his mother that he was considering entering the seminary and becoming a priest, his mother beautifully replied, “That’s wonderful. Know that I will pray for you and support you and your vocation in any way. If this is where God wants you then that is great. But if you enter the seminary and then find that God is calling you to something other than the priesthood, then I will be just as proud of you for doing whatever He calls you to do.”

Pray:

Pray for your son as he discerns God’s will, but don’t neglect praying for the other members of your family. Pray also for your own docility to how God is calling each of your children to use their unique gifts and talents to serve Him.

Ask questions:

There may be questions that you have about your son’s discernment or about the Church. Don’t be afraid to ask him or to call the Office of Vocations for more information about the priesthood. Understand if your son is not ready to get into all the details of his discernment right away; it is really a very personal process with the Lord. Parents only want what is best for their children. Remember that we are God’s children and our loving Father desires only what is best for us. Your son is discerning abandoning his will to God’s, trusting that this is what God is calling him to do. Trust that if God is calling your son to the priesthood then this is what is best for your son and abandon your will to God’s.

Walking the Journey

With Your Son

“Every priestly vocation comes from the heart of God but passes through the heart of a mother.”
—Pope St. Pius X

A reflection on walking the journey to the priesthood with your son by Judy Murphy, mother of Rev. Christopher J. Murphy, who was ordained June 23, 2012. Ms. Murphy shared this reflection following his ordination.

First of all I’d like to thank all of you for joining us in celebrating the ordination to the priesthood of our son Christopher James, now Father Murphy. As you might expect I am very proud of him. Answering the call to the priesthood is not easy in today’s secular world.

Material goods, personal happiness and a quest for success often consume more of our thoughts than developing a relationship with God and caring for others. I believe that without God at the center, money, personal fulfillment and career success will not bring lasting joy.

“[Parents are] participants in the marvelous adventure of your sons. In fact, even if it can seem that most people do not find a priest’s life interesting, in reality it is the most interesting and most necessary adventure for the world, the adventure of demonstrating and making present the fullness of life to which all aspire.”

—Pope Benedict XVI

Parents’

Frequently Asked Question

Parents often wonder how they can support their son in his discernment and formation for the priesthood. Just knowing that you support him and his discernment of his vocation and being assured that you are praying for him is a great comfort. Assure your son that you will pray that God reveals His will to him and that God will give your son the courage to follow God’s will in whatever vocation God calls him to. This gives your son the freedom to discern his vocation without the pressure of feeling that his parents already

Start by asking your son how public he wants his discernment to be. He will appreciate your desire to respect his privacy during his discernment. If he has just told you about his discernment, or if he is in the early stages of discernment, he may not want everyone to know. Many people knowing that he is discerning a vocation may feel like additional pressure on him. As he becomes more open about his discernment and if/when he enters the seminary, he will appreciate more people praying for him.

Every parent wants their child to live a happy and fulfilled life. Since we don’t often get to see the priest outside of Mass or other events at the parish, many people don’t realize just how happy and fulfilling the priesthood is. In his book, Why Priests Are Happy, Monsignor Stephen Rosetti notes that, a central finding of this study is the extraordinarily high rates of priestly happiness and satisfaction. The findings are strong, replicable, and consistent: priests, as a group, are very happy men. They like the priesthood. They are committed to it. They find much satisfaction in their lives and ministries. In fact, the satisfaction rates of priests are among the highest of any way of life or vocation in the United States. (p.10, emphasis added)

If God is calling your son to the vocation to the priesthood, then, YES! this is where he will be most happy and fulfilled.

Some parents feel that they are not prepared to answer all his questions which can make them uncomfortable. Your son will not expect you to have all the answers. Don’t be afraid to tell him that you don’t know how to answer a question but will help him to find the answer. He will appreciate if you take the opportunity to grow in the faith by leading him to sources that will answer his questions. Check out the resources on this site or have your son call Fr. Carl Fisette to discuss any questions he may have.

Parents sometimes wonder if they will see their son after he enters seminary or after he is ordained. As a diocesan priest, your son will minister somewhere in the Diocese of Providence which is the same geographical area as the State of Rhode Island, so he will not be too far away. Priests do have a day away from the parish which they may choose to use to visit their parents, siblings, or friends.

We all make some sacrifices to live out the vocation to which God has called us. As parents you have made sacrifices for your child. As a priest, your son will live a celibate life and sacrifice a biological family as he deepens his relationship with the Lord and he becomes a part of many families on a spiritual level. But this means a sacrifice on the part of parents as well as you will not have grandchildren from your son. Parents may see qualities in their son which they think would make him a good father and have difficulty understanding why he isn’t following a vocation to be a father; it is often these same qualities that will make him a good priest. This sacrifice on your son’s part and on your part will be blessed as you see the joy that he has in doing God’s will in his life.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. We can be in a crowded room and still feel lonely; sometimes married persons even feel lonely. Priests may be living alone in a rectory but through their close relationship with the Lord and the many friendships that they develop, it is rare for a priest to feel lonely. All priests nurture healthy friendships with brother priests, religious, and lay faithful. Their relationships with their parents, siblings, nieces and nephews all help them support them in their ministry. Oftentimes, priests treasure the moments of solitude for prayer, writing, and rest

If God only called perfect men to the priesthood, the priesthood would have begun and ended with Jesus Christ! God calls men knowing that they are humans who are not perfect. Seminary is a time of formation in human, spiritual, intellectual, and pastoral areas so that he can be a bridge to Christ. No man is worthy of the call to the priesthood yet many are called to continue to grow in holiness and serve God as His priest.

Parenting A

Vocation

“The world looks to the priest, because it looks to Jesus! No one can see Christ; but everyone sees the priest, and through him they wish to catch a glimpse of the Lord! Immense is the grandeur of the Lord!
Immense is the grandeur and dignity of the priest!”
—Pope St. John Paul II

Parenting a Vocation to the Priesthood
by Rev. Carl Fisette, Pastor of St. Joseph, Woonsocket

“Children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward” (Ps 127:3). Parents are filled with such joy and at the birth of their child and rightfully so since children are “a gift from the Lord.” You want the best for them. You care for them and help them to grow and mature as human persons and as Christians. You are their first catechist.

Recognizing that parents are the first teachers of the faith, Blessed John Paul II noted that parents and extended families have a significant role in fostering vocations to the priesthood. He stated:

A very special responsibility falls upon the Christian family, which by virtue of the sacrament of matrimony shares in its own unique way in the educational mission of the Church – teacher and mother. As the synod fathers wrote: “The Christian family, which is truly a ‘domestic Church’ (Lumen Gentium, 11), has always offered and continues to offer favorable conditions for the birth of vocations…Families themselves, generously accepting the gift of human life, may be ‘as it were, a first seminary’ (Optatam Totius, 2) in which children can acquire from the beginning an awareness of piety and prayer and love for the Church. (Pastores Dabo Vobis, n. 41)

Along with this unique responsibility that parents have in fostering vocations can come conflicting emotions and concerns about encouraging their own son to consider and respond to a call to the priesthood. It is only natural because you have questions and you want what is best for your son. Children are such a precious gift from the Lord and all the varying emotions and reactions that parents experience are based on their love for their child. Some parents will be enthusiastic and will wish that their son could be ordained tomorrow; other parents actively discourage a vocation to the priesthood, fearing that their son will be lonely or will not achieve success in the eyes of the world; and most parents’ reaction will fall somewhere in between. Even the saints faced the gamut of reactions from their own families.

Will your son make sacrifices if he is ordained a priest? Yes—but a greater sacrifice for him would be to ignore God’s call since the vocation to which God is calling us is where we will find our greatest joy and fulfillment. There are sacrifices in each and every Christian vocation just as there are blessings.

Husbands and wives make sacrifices for one another and the good of their marriage; parents make sacrifices (great and small) throughout their children’s lives. Our society often views chaste celibacy as a great sacrifice; priests and religious see chaste celibacy as a great gift which allows us to freely love God and neighbor because this is how God is calling us to live.

Will you, as a parent, make sacrifices if your son is ordained a priest? Perhaps. You may not have grandchildren or someone to carry on the family name (there is also no guarantee that you will have these things if your son is not a priest), you may be concerned about who will care for you as you get older or if you will see your son as often. These are reasonable and valid questions and concerns. Will you receive blessings if your son follows his vocation to the priesthood? Yes! Jesus assures His disciples that they will receive much more than they sacrifice in order to follow His will. This promise applies to all His disciples—not only those who are called to a religious vocation. Recall Jesus words, “Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God who will not receive [back] an overabundant return in this present age and eternal life in the age to come” (Luke 18:29-30, emphasis added).

Walking the Journey

With Your Son

“Every priestly vocation comes from the heart of God but passes through the heart of a mother.”
—Pope St. Pius X

A reflection on walking the journey to the priesthood with your son by Judy Murphy, mother of Rev. Christopher J. Murphy, who was ordained June 23, 2012. Ms. Murphy shared this reflection following his ordination.

“First of all I’d like to thank all of you for joining us in celebrating the ordination to the priesthood of our son Christopher James, now Father Murphy. As you might expect I am very proud of him. Answering the call to the priesthood is not easy in today’s secular world. Material goods, personal happiness and a quest for success often consume more of our thoughts than developing a relationship with God and caring for others. I believe that without God at the center, money, personal fulfillment and career success will not bring lasting joy.

“For me, walking along this journey to the priesthood with Chris has brought me closer to God. Despite some tribulations along the way, knowing that God is always there with me has helped me to survive and thrive. I’ve loved praying the Liturgy of the Hours with Chris. These readings have helped me to really appreciate the love that God has for us. Men like Chris, Ryan, Frank and all of the other fine seminarians I met in Rome and at Saint John’s seminary who answered God’s call, give me such hope for the Church in these turbulent times. I have no doubt that with God’s help, Chris and the two other new priests will touch the minds, hearts and souls of many in the years ahead.

“My pride and joy in Chris is not limited to Chris alone. There is no greater joy for a mother than to see her children find their passion and pursue it relentlessly. I have been truly blessed by God in my children who have all been called to serve Him in
different ways…I am so proud of all three. I am humbled by the gifts I have been given by God in Gerald, Christopher and Alicyn. I thank God every day for the blessings and joys I’ve experienced in my family.

“So I will end like I began. I’d like to thank all of you again. Just as Chris has touched others, you have greatly touched him and our family. Each of you has contributed in some way to Chris’ strength in his vocation. Your prayers, encouragement, questions, and joy have shown us the beauty and connectedness of our Church community. Without a doubt there is no greater beauty than the love that God has for his people.”

Pray

“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.” he depth of our hearts.”
—St. Teresa of Calcutta

What is Prayer

Prayer is our response to God who is already speaking or, better yet, revealing Himself to us. Therefore, prayer is not merely an exchange of words, but it engages the whole person in a relationship with God the Father, through the Son, and in the Holy Spirit . Prayer in the Life of One Discerning a Call to the Priesthood.

As prayer is fundamental in the life of the priest, so is it also central in the life of one who is discerning God’s call to the priesthood. Each priest is a man who is called by God to serve Him in the particular vocation of the ministerial priesthood. But we can only hear a call if we are listening and praying, that conversation with God is the way in which we listen to His voice.

Not everyone prays the same way and there is no one specific way to pray. The first step is always to do it! Make the time to pray and find a quiet place, perhaps in a church or adoration chapel or follow Jesus’ command to “go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words.” Mt 6:6-7